I am in the mist of my final week of classes in law school. I should be more excited, but I'm not. I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be, and worse, I not WHO I'm supposed to be. Even given the fact that I let go of the Disney-sold dream a long time ago, I still feel like 25 wasn't supposed to look like this: stressed, still overweight, under-involved, overwhelmed, under-appreciated, financially insecure, unemployed, in debt and generally unimpressed with myself. I'm not by any means blaming anyone, just reflecting on my circumstances and trying to figure out what I should be learning fro this situation.
Amazingly, I'm not extremely sad about this (I guess this is the joy vs. happiness thing that people talk about). I try to walk with my head held high, look my best, believe the best, give more, do more and treat others a little better everyday. I'm not perfect, but I am working on the better. I just feel like I need a little more guidance.
Anyway, I've officially started my healthy lifestyle mission (again). I want to lose 100 lbs by next spring. I also want to clear up my skin and be able to a half marathon in the same amount of time (obviously not related). I can't help but think that I want to do this for myself (as any change in lifestyle should be), but that what I do should help someone else. I don't know how yet, but maybe that will be revealed on the journey as well.
When I free-flow write about my "issues," I also think of how rich I am despite my constant desire for more. I've been blessed with a wonderfully dysfunctional family, whom I love dearly and I've had an amazing opportunity in education. Every trial has talk me a little more about life. I have wonderful friends, including two who are more sister than friend. I lead a good life, I just want to put it to good use.
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