Stop and Stare

I'm at that point. You know, THAT point. Life double back down the road to slap me in the face for the foolishness I allowed to consume me. It's happened every time I think I've got to the point of almost being to the point that I've learned my lesson.

It's A New Season and a new day!!!

Obama won! He actually won!!! It has taken me two days to come down from the high I got when, on Nov. 4 at 10:01PM CST, CNN and FOX (or FAUX)news announced the Barack Hussein Obama as the president elect of the U.S. Of course, as an American, I am super proud. We finally proved that the majority of us are not retarded. I also can't help the extra pep in my step as a black woman in the USA. I called my grandmother the next day and she summed up my feelings. She marched with MLK Jr. in 1968. I protested in New Orleans in 2006. Neither of us never thought that a country that let the atrocities come to past which we fought against would eventually elect a black president. I am too excited to see the first family step out the White House door. Happy Feelings!!!

I twisted my hair last night. It felt so good to sit down and weave my fingers through my tresses. My slightly moistened hair smoothed and curled with the weight of the shea butter on the tips of my fingers. My hands flipped over and under, swinging my hair to either side of my head. The comb slides slowly through my strands. Small box parts in my scalp create diamond patterns. Soft black ropes dangle at my cheeks and neck. And for a moment, I lose myself in my kinky, napptural hair.

Two strand defined twists is my favorite style. It was one of the first styles I learned. I guess the reason I like doing my hair is that it is a symbol of a new phase in my life. Almost 3 years ago, I cut my relaxed ends and began styling my own hair. This was my celebration of my adulthood. At 21, I gave up the negativity surrounding nappy hair… I gave up my grease, thin combs, and kits for a K-Cutter, Denman brush and a pick. This was the beginning of facing my insecurities. My mom lamented for months (she’s now a proud napptural), my aunts asked when I would “do something” to it, and my aunts thought I was rebelling. It wasn’t rebellion, rather embracement of a true part of me. I learned to take care of and nurture that part of me, and for once, I was proud. I guess some say it’s just hair, but it is so much more to me. My hair is a salute to my strength will, and determination. I hope to use that same strength to conquer my food dependency and self depreciation. So, India- you may not be you hair, and neither am I, but my hair is definitely an important part of me!

First!!!

Don't you hate when people do that in the comment section? LOL. I actually do have more to say than first. Too much in fact. This blog was inspired by the many thoughts that fill my head. I'm on a journey to the best of me. I've got a lot to accomplish and I feel like my time is so short. That's how life is- you get reach a point where you take what you have and keep it moving, or you sit and wait for perfection to come and wrap its arms around you, but time, it waits for no one. And, I've waited far too long. I've decided to step up and out just the way I am.

I've always been a better writer than conversationist (although this blog may not show that... ever). I'd never been one to talk in groups, and though I liked to write, I never had the privacy for a diary. For a long time, I hid my thoughts in stories, poems and songs. Writing took the pain out of so many things for me. It was my release. It was my "voice." That "voice" never quite reached as many people as it could have, but it was there.

At some point, I lost my voice. I don't know exactly when or how, but I haven't been able to find it. I'd replaced it with silent cursing, self-pity and defeat. I began binge eating and taking neglecting my responsibilities. I alternated between sleeping pills and caffiene because I was always tired, but I couldn't sleep. I'm not a medicine person, so I knew this couldn't work. I prayed about it, but the answer was always in front of me. I needed to do what I love- whatever that means ;-)

That's why I started this blog. I need to write it all down and I need for someone to read it. I've wanted to do this for so long, but I was scared. I still am (call it vanity). Several people suggested this, but again, I've never been one to let everyone in my thoughts- until now. I have a lot of goals and I want to document my progress. Therefore, this blog will be about it all:

• Weight Loss
• Life Style
• Random Thoughts
• Creative Writings
• Rants
• Introspection and Reflection

My ultimate goal is to expose me. I figure that's the way to get to the essence of me. My rule for myself is to be honest and T.E.L.L. I.T., the good, the bad, and the down right ridiculous. I want to push my boundaries on this, even when it hurts a little.

NOTE: I think I'm the most boring person I know, so I wouldn't expect soap opera posts.

Anyway, I've decided to take a few friends along with me... I know they are probably tired of getting my random emails. This blog is inspired by them. They actually listen to all my rants, and still talk to me. WOW! I really used to take that for granted, but you all are truly awesome. I feel like this is such a turning point in my life. I want them to be there, even if it's only through a blog. (YAY for random thoughts in one place!). I hope you wonderful people leave comments, ask questions, laugh and love.

If, by chance, you find this blog on your own, feel free to explore and comment. I love to hear new perspectives.

It's rather late, so I'll cut it off here.

Much Luv,